The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
