erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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