Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
