Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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