it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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