Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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