i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Moan for me like Helen Keller
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
