I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
