He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
