you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
