tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
