R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
