I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
