Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
