I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
