i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
