the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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