I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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