Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
