Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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