So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
