So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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