Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
