she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
