Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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