okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You took a bar mat shot.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
