They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
