dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
