He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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