That's intense
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
