I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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