where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
