So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
