Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
