Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just tell him i said nine months
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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