I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have fence marks all over my body
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
