windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
