take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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