I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
