When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
