my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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