After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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