a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
