Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
