I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Drake has all the answers
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
