Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize