You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize