Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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