Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize