so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
