I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
