Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize