Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
