so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
