i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
