I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
