Buhtt sex?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
