You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
