I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you will always have a special place in my vag
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
