Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
