I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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