I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
