oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
