god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize