Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
