The maid of honor just puked.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
