There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
