Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
