Please, let me fuck your mom
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
