Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
