So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
