Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
