sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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