Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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