Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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