I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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